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CANDC · Mar 02, 2024 at 07:44 PM

@PIMV welcome to MSF. I am sorry you suffered abuse. No one should have to go through that.

What I have read is that victims cling to their abusers and often endure a lot of trauma sort of the way boxers cling onto each other when they start to tire. The victims or survivors of abuse cling to the certainty of trauma rather than face the unknown of not being in that situation.

I have considered looking up ex's that I broke up with or who broke up with me. There was a good reason that relationship broke up. We both were suffering. I personally would strongly advise you not to try to connect with your abuser. As you hinted just thinking about that explodes all that childhood trauma. Your life could really be a mess if you open up all those old traumas in a non-therapeutic setting. If you want to work on those with a therapist that is specifically trained in trauma therapy, that sounds like an appropriate way to act. Listen to your own body. If it is crying then there is something really wrong with the idea of connecting with an ex abuser.

How are things with your present relationship. Maybe there is a clue there in the present relationship why you are having these unsupportive impulses to contact an ex.

CANDC

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