My depression has gotten intense enough to do something about it. I emailed in to my doctor to ask about Caplyta. It interests me because it targets bipolar depression and is an anti-psychotic. I tolerate anti-psychotics well except for weight gain and sedation. Anti-depressants make me hypomanic.

At this point i'm just going to ask questions about Caplyta. The cost is pivotal. It's a new drug and i found it quoted at $50USD a pill, which is absurd. If it's on the provincial formulary (Canadian) i can consider it, but it will make budgeting hard. But, hey, if i'm not here, budgeting doesn't matter.

Unfortunately, my doctor is out of the office for about six weeks, so i'll have to deal with his replacement. I can't cope tho. I drank a bottle of wine last Sunday night. Sunday nights are the hardest time of the week for me.

It helped pass the time, but i didn't like how i got cravings for it for the few days after, as i have alcoholism in the family. I didn't like the taste or the effect that much anyways. And i was sorry to break 18 months of abstinence from alcohol (not that it's ever been an issue for me).

But i'm not keeping up with my activities of daily living. And last night i was so desperate for relief i took a cab down to an old haunt of mine, a very modest evening drop-in, but it was closed. So that was $30 down the drain.

I'm wasting my life, lying in bed and lying on the sofa. I've exhausted all the possibilities for entertainment here at home and i'm too sedated to go in to my afternoon drop-in.

I saw the posts about Caplyta here. Sounds like people have had a wide variety of experiences on it. I've got to do something tho.