Thanks to all for the warm welcome.

To be honest it just feels good to be able to share with others who understand, people who may have some idea what it is like to feel so awful.

It’s the strangest thing for me because I know that much of what I feel and think right now isn’t real, that it is drastically over exaggerated interpretations of minor events or details, that everything is amplified currently beyond reason.

But knowing this doesn’t change the way these thoughts make me feel. Telling myself that a sad and painful reaction I am experiencing is an overreaction doesn’t make it less sad or painful in that moment.

The biggest benefit for me to having knowledge and understanding of what is happening is that I am able to control many of my impulses and understand some of the things I need to feel better.

I am staying hopeful that I will be able to find appropriate treatment soon. I found a center in my area that shows a number of providers in my network, of which two psychiatrists were profiled as specializing in Bipolar, so I sent an email explaining my situation and asking them to get in touch regarding scheduling me with an appropriate provider.

With any luck I will get a speedy response!