This is what - oh who is that guy, the good enough mother guy - calls the rupture - repair cycle. Its not that there is NEVER a rupture. We are human, we are not perfect. But the good enough mother comes back.

I wonder what our NOT good enough mothers did to cause such distrust and resentment. I remember being around 2 years old and asking my dad if he would please tell my mother to move out, like the way they had gotten rid of the boarder. How could i have no freaking idea she was my family? I just knew she was never nice to me. Its kind of horrifying to have such a clear memory. I truly believe you are reliving a similar childhood betrayal. Like your sister being born. Something. It clipped your synapses a long time ago.

Donald something.

ETA - THANKS, lost, yes, winnicott. Thats why it feels so impossible - the clipped synapses. Clipped isnt the right word, but we were developing and growing and the next move would have been repair and trust , only it didnt happen. Tiger Woods was golfing from like infantfood. We were distrusting even longer. Probably from the womb. The ability to trust - its like asking us to golf like Tiger.

But nobody is asking quite that of us.