Oh @shakespeare47, I'm so sorry you were abused.

You were just a kid, it's not your fault, you didn't ask for it....

I can understand why it still haunts you till this day. I'm mid-50s and still have childhood trauma... I think what makes it so difficult is that we were so vulnerable and there is a lack of justice, and closure.

It is possible you were drugged, or perhaps blocked out the memories... that's your psyche's way of defending itself.

I'm not so sure knowing everything that happened will bring you peace, but if you are still having flashbacks, have you considered EFT tapping?

There's a show on Netflix called "Heal" with a segment about EFT-tapping which I found interesting.

Maybe it could help?

Also, talking to other survivors of abuse might be helpful or perhaps not, I guess it depends where you're at, the supports you have around you, and how such a group in moderated.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I wish you peace and healing on your journey...

Hugs, if wanted.