@ TheGal

Feel free to PM if you want to. No worries if you don't.

Believe it or not, I'm on a cocktail of mental medication. I used to purely self medicated with opiates and booze but a few years ago I started taking regular medication...that said I quit more than half of them because I can't afford to pay that every month. Rn I take antidepressants (Wellbutrin) and a couple different anxiety meds. I know it helps some but I still feel like crap all the time. Every time I attempt to see a pdoc I'm hit with 2-6 months wait periods between appointments with doctors I don't like nor trust.

I understand that I'm self medicating and I know it's playing with fire but I don't know what else to do. It's like I'm fully aware that my actions are risky and dumb but the alternative seems so helpless and much worse.

My dad opted out of life in front of me as a teenager and I know how hard that is to live with. I never ever want to do that to my own kid. It's bad enough that her mom died when she was a baby. Regardless, I feel myself pushed in that direction a lot and the unhealthy self medicative crap I do seems less harmful in comparison. Am I rationalizing my stupid decisions?... Maybe. But that doesn't make it any less true.

I'll check out those groups you recommended

Yes, I have 2 cats and 2 dogs but I'm more stressed out by my animals than anything. I only have them because my wife wants them. I love cats but owning dogs is stressful, in my opinion.