I used to self medicate with alcohol 🍸 and in the long-run it only made matters much worse. I mean, not only did it make my depression and anxiety worse, but I got into legal trouble as well.
If you lost your job over alcohol and oxy it would just make your depression worse. I'm sure you realize that. But I understand. I used to go to work wasted all the time.
I understand how hard it is to find a decent pdoc. And to find the right medications 💊. I stopped drinking in my mid twenties.
I also understand how it feels to just not to want to exist anymore and feel trapped.
(((Hugs)))