Thanks.

I just feel so helpless with my addiction. Unfortunately it's a med I'm prescribed for my psychosis (seroquel) and when I told my pdoc I abuse it he completely dismissed me and just increased my dose. My therapist would just be more insistent I be med monitored, which wouldn't help me. My husband would just freak out. I'm prescribed 400mg a day, but on average
take double that dose, depending on how much extra I have, and right now I have a lot extra.

I tell myself I won't abuse it, but always end up taking more pills to get high. I'm happy I don't work or drive or I'd be in trouble.

I know I should probably come clean with my husband about this, but then he wouldn't trust me to take my meds properly, and I take everything else correctly (except for my propranolol. I was sorta a propranolol junkie the past month, ran out, and can't get a refill until the 30th). I want to be in control of my own meds.

I don't know. I'm just starting to feel like the seroquel is controlling me instead of me controlling it, if that makes any sense.

And my addiction makes me feel like a freak because it's such a strange med to abuse.

I don't know.

Thanks for reading.