I hear what you're saying re:clothes.

"Gross" refers to dirty dishes with food still in them and wrappers on the floor.

As for how it effects the kid, and them going through fatigue and depression...

Yes, that's valid.

We don't raise kids, we raise adults.

Everyone in our home is coping and is dealing or has dealt with depression.

If you assume that is true, and assume one person's feelings and difficulties are no bigger and of no greater importance than anyone else's... Then get up and contribute. Clean your room. Get ready for school. Move.

Depression, anxiety, fatigue, PTSD, are all real. In a setting where everyone has something going on, then letting someone assume your responsibilities is a self centered act. I have zero, ZERO tolerance for that.

My wife endlessly couldn't contribute, because of her depression, anxiety, myriad illnesss, etc., and hers were ALWAYS bigger than everyone else's. I have a responsibility to show my kids the opposite.

The other thing is, thoughts follow action which follows thought which follows action which follows thoughts...... If you can't break the cycle and the pattern on your own, then someone or something external to you has to.

I'm the external thing for them.

Laying in bed in filth is not going to make you less depressed. Failing to shower is not going to make you less depressed. Get up and contribute.

Depression, anxiety, ptsd are real, but you actually need to move and do something positive to fight back.

There's not a doubt in my mind that this is the right thing to do. Not one. My kids will be more disciplined and more resilient and more supportive of the people around them for being raised like this.

The other thing is, I have never and will never use emotional manipulation with them.

"I'm so disappointed on you. I'm so hurt by your decisions. Don't you think you could do better?" Screw that. That's manipulation.

As compared to.
"You messed up, I'm angry about it, and here's why."

"Your room is dirty and it smells. The food waste brings bugs. I told you this before and said there'll be a consequence the next time. I'm not driving you to the hockey game unless this is done in 30 minutes. Move."

"Your wet towel is on the floor, again. It smells and ruins the finish on the floor. I explained that. Fix it now, or there's a consequence. Move."

My kids are loved and supported a lot. It's also true that most of the world doesn't care what your issue is, you still have to contribute. So.... Contribute.

RDMercer