So, as the title says, I have dipped into a low. My ex has finally faced the consequences of his actions. After two disappearances in two weeks on drug binges he finally is getting kicked out of the community residence he is living in and is now being sent to a homeless shelter. I have blocked all numbers outside my contacts so no unknown numbers can contact me. I know it's the right move.

Where I should feel relief, I feel despair. I have gained 50 pounds in the past two months due to stress and complications with the thyroid surgery I had. I am falling into such a deep depression I can't come out. I feel awful, I feel fat and disgusting and pathetic. I hate everything about myself.

I don't know maybe this is a rant because I am sinking, but I am falling. I have so much to be grateful for, but I feel horrible.

I can't even pray because even God is disgusted by me.