Oh gosh, that is so good to hear even though it doesn't feel like it in the moment I think that if I look at everything from where I was even a year ago before my H dropped that big bomb, I can see that I have really grown a lot especially in purposefully enforcing boundaries. It does feel like I have come a long way.

I think my son thinks it is more funny now, he hasn't really seen too much of the drinking, more the after effects, which honestly I am thankful for. I like what you are saying about education going a long way because it makes me feel like all these things might not effect my kids as much as I fear or that I have some power and control in the situation which is always a good thing.

I do feel like I do a very good job of calling my H when he is out of line and if he doesn't stop, leaving the situation. I would maybe even say I verge on the "over sensitive" towards this even though that is not a bad thing. I have been very clear to him on what crosses the line with me so when he chooses to cross it I enforce the boundary. In fact, we had one of these last night that I specifically came here to get your opinion on.

My therapist last time said that my H is trying somewhat to "reconnect" with me based on some stories I was telling her about how he was saying to me that "we never do anything together" and how important it is to him that we watch tv together at night. I felt I was not really ready for those things and my therapist said I was protecting myself. Anyway, last night I got into a conversation with H about these things because he will profess to want to watch tv together and that it is super important to him but the environment he creates is so toxic and I was basically calling him out on that and saying if it is so important to him why wouldn't he create an environment that is comfortable for me. Anyway, it came up again from him that we "never do anything together". And I said to him do you remember last year when you said you wanted to get divorced and leave? And his answer was "vaguely". I was very taken aback by that. I can't tell if he was so depressed he can't really remember what happened, sort of like an "episode" or if he was just deflecting. So anyway, I said to him do you remember as part of that I said I wanted to spend more time together and I suggested several things and you were not interested in any. Again, he claimed he did not remember any of this but said he wanted to start taking walks together or something like that.

I see my therapist next week and I want to get her opinion on this because I find it mind boggling. It feels like a trick almost. So I don't really know what to do with that except if he is treating me respectfully and I want to I will spend time with him and if he isn't I won't. I was thinking about how you mention that your H's moods are cyclical and that makes me apprehensive about the upcoming summer because whenever my H has had a major episode it is always in the summer. I know what you are saying it is frustrating to predict it, but even more that no one acknowledges that. I think it is clear you have a lot of insight into you H's behavior so it is strange to me that medical providers and your H won't take you seriously.


I hope you are having a wonderful week, happy spring! Hopefully things are going well on your end and as always thanks so much for listening, I really value your opinion, insight and advice.