Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I hate that it IS a paid relationship. But like you, I also think it's a good thing, for many reasons.
First, I'm paying for her experience and education. L got her doctorate. It's my opinion that she actually uses that information she learned to help me with my issues.
Second, I pay for her to run her business. As a business she has rent and bills. She provides me with a safe space to talk. I help her afford that safe space.
Third, this IS her job. This is how she makes a living. I am her client. So I help her with everyday living expenses.
Her care, love, respect, and investment I do not pay for. She gets to choose that.
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This sounds similar to what my T has said about why I pay him. That I'm paying for his expertise, for his PhD training, continuing education, and his 20 years of experience in working with clients (though I still feel I'm teaching him quite a bit!).
I also have no obligations to him other than financially. I don't have to listen to his problems, fear that I'm dominating the conversation, or worry that something I say might offend or trigger him (though he's a bit touchy about some things). I can just sit there and talk about myself for 50 minutes.
And, like you said, in exchange, I help with his living expenses.
In terms of therapists only caring because they're paid, I go back to one of the things my former marriage counselor said to me, when I said, "You only care because I pay you." He replied, "You can pay me to do my job, but you can't pay me to care." As in, he chooses to care. I've mentioned that to my current T, and he agrees with that.