Eskie, you give me hope that there's a future.

Your resilience, and "eff it" attitude make me think I can do it too.

If you haven't been in this kind of situation, the hopelessness is hard to explain. Almost every opportunity for celebration was tarnished, almost every proud moment, and every solution and effort to extend yourself for them has a repercussion, until you finally just.... Stop. Until you accept the safest thing to do is to just work, and serve, and not rock the boat, until the youngest is self sufficient.

I went for years and years thinking there is no future, there is no end to the work, there is nothing to look forward to. If I can just hang on until the youngest is old enough to have some college completed and the oldest can support them some..... Wouldn't it be good to just not be anymore, to just not exist. That degree of emotional and physical exhaustion is hard to explain.

Thank you