RD, it took me a few years to figure out the lifetime of dysfunction I had lived around & to understand & process it all. My T called it "integrating" that past into my current life which was the "learning from it process".
Lol....my "eff it" attitude hit big time when I got my trust fund then sold my mom's house. It took a year after she died before I could even go back in the house because of everything that happened there. My husband wanted me to give him money from my trust & I knew that money was my only means to get out of the marriage so he didn't get a cent. Sold the house in fall 2006, headed to Ky to find a farm that next April & knew I had to buy something cause if I went back without the purchase of a farm I would be trapped the rest of my life (lol....my all or nothing panic thinking). Bought my farm & flew back with my dog Leo to close on the farm. The real "eff it" I realized that summer because never once did I think about my husband or miss him. That was when I KNEW I had made the smartest decision in my life. New life, chance to start all over in a place where I didn't know anyone & alone for the first time in my life at 54 years old. The adventure began & I have NEVER regretted it, not even during some tough times because that "PEACE" made it tolerable. I even have friends now which is even more amazing. This new amazing life made me realize that I was not the one causing the problems though I do admit that my lack of skills in handling situations I lived with made them worse not better my whole life but the situations were bad to begin with.
There is hope for sure & I learned lessons, more than I ever wanted to know from processing that past & the traumas & have brought that learning forward into this new life & there is no pain anymore, just good strong knowledge learned from that past & I love my life now for the first time.
I know you can do it because YOU ARE DOING IT right now