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CANDC · Mar 19, 2024 at 09:47 AM

@16PennyNail I hear you. I can empathize. Being an only child must be rough. I know being "an orphan" as I sometimes feel certainly is.

What really stands out for me is what you said

Quote:

I need them now more than ever, yet they are gone. I carry that silent anger

around that I don't want to feel.

I had a lot of anger towards my parents because I expected them to do things that they were not able to. They were wrapped up in their lives and lived for themselves and so they were not understanding of my feelings of wanting a spiritual connection. They stopped going to church and basically tried to get things and do activities to make them happy. They provided well for physical needs but the emotional needs seemed to not happen. Part of it was I was very closed off emotionally and whether deserved or not I blamed them.

Now I am getting over my anger by realizing how senseless it is. How it overlooks all the good they did.

Still I have this nagging thought that does not make sense "how could you leave me all alone and never come back?" I never planned on parents dying. In my mind they would always be there. But they are not there and cannot come back. Sometimes it really gets to me.

But I am creating my own legacy doing the best I can to help others in need and volunteering my time. To be needed takes some of that feeling away of being alone.

Mindfulness has helped me a lot dealing with anger. Either Jon Kabat Zinn on youtube, Healthy Minds App for the smartphone or Palouse mindfulness free program has been a help. It helps me with that yearning for a spiritual connetion without imposing beliefs on me.

So what are you thinking about for the next steep?

CANDC

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