Oh, you sound so much like my experiences. I was never angry around others growing up but wow, my parents would sure trigger my anger (out of frustration with them I think). I was already on overload from my parents then ended up in a marriage that did the same thing & I had no anger even with frustration outside of those relationships. I never got actual invalidation but I never got any validation.....but I did what I knew I wanted with my life no matter what & ended up with my degree & my career I worked hsrd for without any outside encouragement.
By the point I started healing with good therapy, my parents were no longer alive so I never had a chance to see if my healing & new skills would have worked with them. I had left my marriage & basically had no contact with my husband except through lawyers for 11 years before I saw him again. I was so worried that he would trigger all my anger again when I saw him at the ranch I was staying at for a little vacation & a court hearing against him. He was doing night horse feeding at the ranch & I couldn't avoid running into him. Oh the anxiety of wondering. Turned out I had learned how to control my responses & redirect conversations. I also think because I wasn't already being on overload it might have helped me keep my cool. My opinion of him had & has never changed but how I responded truly had.
It has been interesting listening to Dr Ramani. All those relationships had a narcissistic overtone to them but one time she said that when dealing with people on the spectrum there are similarities but cause & intent are different. When spectrum issues aren't diagnosed it is not that easy to know if there is a different cause or intent because to the receiver it feels the same.
Yes, changing responses & also limiting interaction as much as possible to keep from experiencing the overload that causes the response that ends up being preceived as anger. IT IS NOT EASY