Quote:
Originally Posted by Marilyn2016
Hi there,
I just noticed something in your first post about trials and tribulations with therapy, meds, and professionals. You mentioned you figured you always had to "tough it out" through depression, and yet now that approach doesn't work. I was just going to add in my decades of trying the same, the only benefit I ever got from therapy was when I would get more vulnerable with the practitioner, not less. Keeping a tough exterior only buries our pain and suffering further, and that stuff is what you need the therapist to help you process with. Although, doing it on meds that only make one feel better means maybe you won't feel it when the changes do occur. You also mentioned in another post that you keep attending meetings and leaving with nothing. Maybe you are leaving with minute fractions of positive change, but you won't see it immediately, it won't hit you like a pill, because changes in therapy take a long long time. I do understand your sense of desperation and frustration. That seems to be the unfortunate byproduct of going through any system of healthcare. However, keep at it, and please don't give up on yourself, because you deserve genuine happiness or at least minimal depression in this life.
Luv,
Marilyn
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I've never understood this concept of "processing." It seems to be an attempt to render into mechanical terms what does not really fit that metaphor. I was in a partial hospitalization program that claimed "we give you tools." They want this to sound like an engineering problem.
Process what? I'm alone too much. There is nothing complicated about that. I don't need to further "process" that. I know what my problem is and what it always has been. I know I have deeply ingrained bad habits. You can't talk away stuff like that. There is no step by step procedure whereby you transform the difficulties I have into something easier to deal with. This "processing" is a myth, IMHO. There is no such methodology.
A mill can "process" wheat into flour. A city sanitation system can "process" sewage into clean water. As a species, we've had such stunning success in developing technology to grapple with our physical environment. We have fancied the notion that we can technologically solve all human problems. So mental health professionals like to talk about equipping clients with "tools" and getting them to undertake the "processing" of their experiences, like this all boils down to some mechanical enterprise, to which you just need to apply the right technology.
I am very open with counselors. I lay my soul bare to them because I do have the strength to face the realities of my life. I'm not hiding some secret that some therapist needs to dig up. There is no mystery to be solved. It is simply false that what is needed is a closer analysis of things. I haven't met a counselor who analyses my situation any better than I do myself. The solution to every problem is not always more analysis. That is a conceit we harbor . . . that our problems will yield to the application of "reason." CBT and DBT are all about how to logic away your problems. It just doesn't always work.
Back in the 18th century, mankind decided to deify "reason." It's understandable when you consider the stupendous achievements that science was having and how the industrial revolution allowed the size of the human population to explode. We got deluded into thinking that all our troubles can be engineered away. Nowadays persons doing the most menial of jobs are called "technicians." That's suposed to elevate their dignity. Being in possession of technical expertise is what commands respect. I'm not knocking expertise, but therapists haven't really developed a technology of dealing with human, psychological pain. But we kind of assume they have. Seeing a therapist is said to be about "working through" problems. Who doesn't respect work? The trouble is that, often, talking is just talking. It may constitute work, but it often doesn't.
If my issues could be reasoned away, I'ld have mastered them long ago. I know how to reason. What I need is more courage to do what I'm fearful of. You can't reason someone into being braver. The best a therapist can do is pat me on the back when I manage to make a good move that was hard for me to do. The actual work cannot be done in a therapist's office. All I can do in that office is report what I succeeded at doing or what I failed at. I'm hoping that seeing a caring therapist may give me a little more incentive to want to have something commendable to report.