My mom is requiring my help again. Her COBRA insurance got cancelled for nonpayment. Apparently they didn’t get her check in time even though she swears she sent it. I don’t doubt that she did but it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for her to send it at the last minute and miss the deadline. So now I have to walk her through getting health insurance through the marketplace. It’s not really a big deal, but sometimes I get frustrated with her for being so helpless. Knowing that I’m going to have to do her adult tasks for her for the rest of her life is wearing. Especially when she doesn’t help herself in the least. She won’t look for her w-2s so I can get her taxes done for her (she hasn’t filed in four years). She won’t try to clean out her hoarder’s house. She won’t make any attempt to look at apartments with me so I can get her out of the house she has let fall into complete disrepair. Like how much can I really do if she’s not willing to participate? Grandma tells me to “nudge” and push her but I’m tired of trying to get a grown adult to do things. She has severe depression and anxiety and I totally understand that obviously. But at some point you have to TRY. She is on meds finally and was in therapy, unfortunately her therapist left the practice so now she has to find a new one. Which is crushing, I know, I’ve had to do that and it sucks, especially after you’ve developed a rapport with someone.

It’s also trauma for me because not once has she been a functional adult aside from being able to hold a job. Which is big for someone like her but still, I had to raise myself. I had to figure out life for myself. And I guess because I’m so strongly independent I can’t understand needing so much help for what I think are relatively simple tasks.

It’s also not fun that my brother is estranged from us so wouldn’t be willing to help her. When my grandmother passes it will all fall on me.

At least I’m in a good emotional place finally and CAN help her. Took a lot of work to get here.