Sinking so low that I can't find my way out. It's the second day of no-contact with my husband and his mother. I decided to back away because of all the back and forth that has been going on with him being arrested, back using in the streets and all the disappearing and just showing up after days missing. This finality of it is traumatic. I invested so much into this man and his family, and it failed miserably. I feel so horrible, and I didn't think it would affect me this way., but it really does. What I am feeling is heartbreak, and it's just awful.

Living alone during all of this is the hardest part. But I am learning to be grateful for all that I have and realizing that maybe I just needed a day to just CRY ALL DAMN DAY like I did. Sometimes you just need that.

Oh, math is my strongest subject. I am still incredibly good at numbers even after my diagnosis, it's how I make a living to this day.