I am so terribly sorry that you feel as if you have a broken heart and that you have somehow failed. That is the furthest thing from the truth from what you communicated. The person that caused the problem/s or was at the epicenter of their source was your husband. You haven't done anything wrong, other than worry about him when he pulls one of his David Copperfield disappearing acts. I don't know you well yet, but bet your are quite loveable and deserve someone that treats you that way. I am a gay man, please don't anyone throw anything at me, but my partner is a psychiatrist. I tell him routinely, if he is being annoying to go sleep in a back alley or something. He laughs, because he knows I am not serious. We have a good relationship. and he is so gullible. With matters of the heart, time and the always possibility of meeting someone that will do right by you will slowly help you to mend from this. We seem to always have a tendency,or at least I do, to blame myself, or feel guilty when something goes wrong. You have done nothing wrong, if he is going off and disappearing for day/s sounds like he is destabilizing and getting worse. I don't know him but am really sorry that is the case as addiction can be such an awful condition. You've done nothing to cause him to act this way, and remember there is no failure in this situation from you. I wish you well and hope you feel better soon, matters of the human heart...Arrrggghhh!