Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
"A person gets to an age where they don’t want to go back over their past. It is often too stressful for mind and body and can also bring up emotions that can damage whatever relationship they have now"
So....
Dad will go into extreme detail about all he endured while mom was drinking; on the phone, in person, and on email. Unprompted.
Simply saying, "I was there too. Do you want to hear it from my perspective? Have you ever once, ever, asked what it was like for anyone else?"
Gets a response of, "Why do you have to keep dragging up the past? Why can't you let anything go?", and a follow-up call from mom saying, "RD darling why can't you just move on and let bygones be bygones? Why can't we have peace?"
..... ????...... All about a past I never brought up or asked to revisit.
Holy geez.
True story. Happened last month.
|
This is showing you that he can’t validate how your mother’s drinking and how that created conflict in their relationship affected you (his children). Instead he is looking for validations and comfort. And your mother just wants it to go away because she can’t see her way to seeing things from anyone’s point of view but her own. Your father is looking for a big that a boy because he paid the bills and kept the marriage together despite how hard it was for him.
Unfortunately, this happens a lot in relationships where there is alcohol or drug abuse in the mix. Alcohol abuse is a very narcissistic disorder and hurts all involved with the person. And the person engages in covert acts of denial and play the victim.