@CANDC My apologies if my disclaimer was off putting, I was trying to inject some humor into an otherwise rather dreary post. I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, but none of those things have had any impact on what I wrote earlier today. It was just me trying to put some thoughts down. I had to leave out quite a bit so my post wasn't any longer than it already was.

I understand your experience and qualms with pessimism, as I was there too at one point. However, I recognized that I didn't want to be there, it was just my mind trying to do all it can to protect me from any further heartbreak. I'm blessed to have my grandfather in my life, and him being the wisest person I know, enabled me to recognize something that I knew was true all along. He told me the actions of others should not sway who you are. Their actions can hurt you, and some times they will, but it is paramount to never lose sight of who you are and who you want to be. I've been through a lot of situations, bad friendships and relationships alike, emotional parental abuse, and many more traumatic events. In spite of all of these tragedies, I still have so much love to give. I'm working on giving it to myself, but I know I wouldn't be fulfilling the purpose I set for myself if I didn't share it as much as possible.

There's a book I believe everyone should read at one point in their lives, you might know it. It's called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. In this book, agreements two and three are as follows: Don't take things personally, and don't make assumptions. These two agreements have been the ones most relevant to my life, as I've done both more times than I can count. I'm still working on it, but it's enabled me to recognize that Locks hesitancy to enter a new relationship is not a reflection of myself. It isn't because she thinks I'm not a suitable partner or untrustworthy, and even if she did, that wouldn't make it true. No, the way she feels is a reflection of herself and the state of mind she is in. I know this both because I have asked but because I've seen it. When I'm in love with somebody I do tend to be the overbearing type. I always want to be around them, talking to them, being close, and I have no shame in that. In spite of these traits I possess, I've still been able to step back and give her the space she needs to grow in hopes that she will one day be ready for a relationship with me. And if she isn't, while I will no doubt be heartbroken, I know I'll still be able to carry on because it is not my loss it will be, but hers.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, I look forward to speaking with you again as well. Till then!