@Rive. You are right, I am already aware of the most logical course of action, but this situation does not call for logic. There are times where we need to think and there are times where we need to feel. I feel this particular situation calls for the latter. Lots of the unfortunate things that happen to us because we can't decide which method of processing we should use. Thinking instead of feeling leads to missed opportunities and unfulfillment, whereas feeling instead of thinking leads to recklessness and behaviors that are unbecoming. I hear what you're saying as I was in that headspace previously, where I lost faith in my ability to find love and believed that I was not worthy of it. However, I think the pursuit of meaningful connections is apart of the human experience. Many people nowadays, particularly those in my age rage, put too much value on the material. Having money and a good career while are things I desire for the sake of living a lifestyle I am proud of, personally they do not give me the fulfillment I desire. I don't wish to be remembered for what I had, rather for what I did. The impact I've had on her life and everyone around me is what I want my legacy to be. Even if I am to die sooner rather than later it is my goal that the memory held by those who remember me is one that resonates with them, and encourages them to live better than they did yesterday. My love for Lock is only a portion of my purpose, but not the full picture. I will support and be there for her regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not, and it's imperative that I make that truth known. I'd much rather say too much than say too little, and that is how I live my every day from now on.