Dear T,

And so I am here again...

I'm not in a good place tonight. Session today was beyond anything I thought I would ever be able to do, but maybe we went too far. Maybe we crossed the line of safety, especially with you now on holiday, K gone and no garden therapy this week. Talking about all of that was insanely difficult, but the most difficult thing is now being left alone to handle the fallout.

I wonder if you knew how much I was crying while thinking about/talking about that stuff. You normally give me a tissue if you notice but you didn't today. Not a problem to be, but it makes me wonder if you didn't notice my silent tears as I turned away from you.

I wrote you an email, the first in a long long time. I also wrote a poem, again the first in a long long time. Things are shifting, for sure, but sometimes it feels like I'm going to be buried alive by the shifting sands, and it's not a nice feeling at all.

I just don't really know how to deal with these feelings, especially when I feel so alone with them.

Maybe I should start listening to those f*** off voices and quit trying to do this.