I honestly thought there wasn't a way out that I'd be fluffy forever on a mountain of disease and problems with energy. I also thought this low fat diet was a load of rubbish but it's true that when you lower your fat intake it does make a difference. I didn't think I'd see a difference at all nor would I feel it but the bloating that I used to feel is going away. I don't look as puffy in the face as I once did and I have a glimmer of hope that I can reverse that fatty liver and high cholesterol around. I didn't realise how high cholesterol was basically tied to weight gain. I thought these diet changes were too small to make any kind of difference but it did and it is. That for once in my life I feel in somewhat control of my life. I've let my body weight define my worth let it make me feel helpless. All of this fake ai porn has made me face off with my darkest fears and insecurities that I was too fat to be loved or even too fat for me to love myself. The biggest thing is all the pity I felt for myself but I didn't realise it that when you pity yourself you make yourself weak and powerless. What I experienced so many people have experienced. That point in your life when you're not good at something because you haven't practiced it. Expecting perfection at every turn. If my body could be manipulated so easily on Photoshop than what is my worth tied too? How do I define that? I am not sure anymore. Making an entity a demon more powerful than myself when it's their own demons that created those photos. That their darkness distributed it. Now as I try and redefine myself I find my foundations that I stood on crumbling. That every value I taught I had is being questioned I never thought that a fake photo could make me question everything. That is this perfect storm I could become someone else entirely or something new something better with something more concrete like my image my body. The sole thing that I defined myself was how I looked but now I don't know how to define myself anymore. So I look to the stars to guide me lovingly to choose how I want to let this pain define me.