I feel safe typing here. Not that many people. I read my past posts here years ago. It doesn't seem like me. But inner people say I'm Paul. Maybe in a few months I'll be myself. Now I feel like in prison hiding for my life to not be tortured trying to survive. It feels so dark. Sometimes I watch people in videos laughing with their friends and having fun out there and I wonder what that must be like. And I wonder what's wrong with me. What happened to me. It feels like something bad happened, like maybe I have brain damage, from falling down a 3 story building or something, and trying to remember what happened. Once a week I go to store to buy food and its just a rush to get back so fast like a monster is out to get me. And I feel my heart beating so fast. Well that's enough. Hoping this typing helps me so one day I can who I used to be.