I am trauma bonded to someone whom I was very close with previously and turned out mentally abusive to me (manipulating me, making fun of my problems, etc). I also constantly keep blaming myself for the things that happened and thinking I am actually the bad one, the abusive one. The reason? Our social lives. The person has lots of friends, meanwhile I have none at all, which makes me think that I must have been the one who only made mistakes and who caused the whole relation to fail (due to my social issues). I must be a bad person and the one who kept on hurting my partner because I have no social connections.

Why is that and what do I do? Does me having a worse social life mean I am the bad one?