My heart goes out to you.
Sorry to hear the family isn't of any help and are making things worse. I think it's definitely worth asking at the hospice for aid.
Pat yourself on the back for being so proactive, for your husband and yourself. You are asking a lot of good questions...
I just took a free webinar about grief and there's such a thing as anticipatory grief.
You might want to check out the website:
Media – David Maginley.
Also, really important, check out
HeyPeers - Where Peers and Support Groups Connect, as they have group meeting for people, as well as one-on- one coaching.
YouTube videos, such as Kathyrn Mannix also might be helpful.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journey...
Big hug