I feel kind of inadequate as an editor because the authors I'm publishing have better writing credentials than me! Whatever I guess. I know my writing "career" up to this point is pathetic and the only real things I have to my name are four indie published novels, which really isn't much. Yeah. I'm not bawling at all for being such a pathetic failure at life. 😭 I know. BOOHOO. It's not my fault I sporadically go crazy and then it takes me months to recover. I also spent my thirties raising a child.

I don't know. I'm just really disappointed in myself. I'm almost dead and have accomplished nothing. The guy I lost my virginity to (total asswipe... got me drunk and took advantage of me) has had all these pro publications and has a successful podcast, and here I am with my four indie published novels and tiny little ezine. And he wrote a story bashing me and got it published in a pro magazine... then republished it in an anthology of his short stories, which has like 50 reviews on Amazon (all five stars) in 2022. I left a review. Gave him five stars. Said my favorite story was the one where he was bashing me. Said he was a genius. Sounded nice. Only one who's going to know it was a **** you is him. Wishing I wouldn't have left it. He has the power to destroy me. OF COURSE he does. 😭

He's always going to win.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow 😒. Like a lot, and I have my pdoc appointment in the morning, which sucks. Hopefully we can make it. If we can't I'll cry. I'm a wreck 😫. Dr K HAS to help me. I'm going to BEG him for help!!!

I'm just a big FAILURE.

If you look up FAILURE in the dictionary there's a picture of me.