Got up shortly ago and was just hit with this intense realization. It was so strange because it was an intense uneasy feeling in the stomach one can get when an elevator suddenly accelerates up. At the same time I realized I'm a very different person, again. But at least this morning I appear to be an okay enough of a person.

I think my DID has done an amazing job at remaining hidden for so long. But now the early childhood trauma could be starting to surface. It's time to heal.

Yesterday I remembered the days when I had a few online friends and this very weird thing that I couldn't figure out, but kinda makes sense now. I would send the person a text. Usually I didn't get a text for at least several minutes, but sometimes as soon as 10 or so seconds. But then I have clear as day memory of getting an instant response. Not a yes or no response but a several sentence long response. It's obviously impossible for a person to type that fast or even think that fast. Even chatGPT can't respond that fast. For years I wondered about this, but now I probably just switched to one of the parts/alters that are deeper in the subconscious that I don't have any shared memory with, and then I switched backed not knowing time had elapsed while gone. To me it seemed like the person replied to my text instantly, but in reality I switched after sending the text, then switched back soon after, perhaps a few minutes and saw the reply text thinking my friend replied instantly.

And another weird thing is sometimes family members will get crazy uncomfortably close to my face and stare at my eyes. Like 5 to 8 inches away close. My sister, nephews. It was so weird! And bothered me, because why would they do that. By looking back now they probably saw me switching. My dad use to take photos of me looking down and to the corner of my eyes. Even at my birthday party at the table and I'm sure everyone was looking at me and my dad took a photo of me. Everyone in the family probably thinks I'm a freak, maybe so much so that they don't even dare ask me about it because I don't have any memories of anyone asking me weird questions like that. But then again my DID is so hidden that my brain might be blocking those memories. I don't know. Why would people come up to me and stare at one of my eyes? Like ridiculously close. My nephew was maybe 8 inches away. My sister was like 5 inches away and I would back away and she would get close again. It gives me weird feelings in my stomach now just thinking about it.

At least my life hasn't been boring! And why am I even talking about this and not shouting out, "It's all fake! This reality is fake! You all are fake!!" Sigh, I hate changing tbh. Why, why can't I just be one person for at least two days???! Now I'm starting to get seriously sad again.

...Feeling better again lol See you tomorrow, alter FDSgksdgksdfgkdfsgksdfg lol