I just need to type more. Everything for me feels futile. Everything's relative. What seems good to one person seems bad to another and vice versa. I literally have this overwhelming feeling the universe is compressing crushing me with panic inward despite being dissociated.

Last night while sitting in my chair with eyes closed I had a new flashback. My guess is I was around 1 1/2 to 2 yo, maybe younger. In my baby crib in a dark room and someone suddenly started physically hurting me hitting me pushing me hard all around in the crib and I could feel my terrifying emotions so much as I struggled my best. After a few seconds I cry out "mmm my DADDY!!!!"