@black-roses

I strongly urge you to go to a hospital's emergency and speak with a psychiatrist, ASAP. If you do, in fact, have a psychiatrist then I would call urgently and let them know your situation.

I am thinking from your many posts that you might be in the prodromal (beginning stage) of psychosis, if not already psychotic.

This is an assessment scale that I posted elsewhere on the forum.

Psychotic Depression / Depression with psychotic features ASSESSMENT SCALE

I have severe major depression with psychotic features.

I had:
- racing, obsessive thoughts
- epiphanies
- thoughts of reference
- heart palpitations
- agitation (difficult even sitting in one place)
- insomnia
- constipation
- loss of appetite
- and splitting (eg. thinking one gender is all bad, for instance)

(In my case, symptoms increased and I experienced delusions and hallucinations.)

I would strongly urge you to be assessed not only for your state, but your medications (including taking an anti-psychotic)

**** Please, please go get professional help ASAP!! ****

I don't want to scare you, but you need professional help. There is absolutely hope! (Hang on to that! you just need some help for this rough patch). And you are not alone!!

((((HUGS)))))