My Support Forums - View Single Post - Update - Moving On. New Phone Number. New Life (PIcs Inside)

LadyShadow · Apr 05, 2024, 05:04 AM

Thank you for your insights @TheGal and @eskielover you are so right about resistance, not only in relationships but in all aspects of our lives.

The resistance to accept this relationship is over is the hardest part for me. I am constantly regressing back to the "good times" and still have a lot of love for my husband. I put myself through anguish because I am starting to feel that I should reach out because I am his only friend in the whole world and I basically abandoned him - but the truth of the reality is (the thought I am resisting), is that he makes NO effort to improve his situation and thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he is living his life - that kind of self-destruction I don't need or want in my life anymore.

Today's April 4th wisdom from the Language of Letting Go from Melody Beattie:

Title: Negotiating Conflict

Recovery is more than just walking away; sometimes, it means learning to stay and deal. It’s about building and maintaining relationships that truly work.

(This couldn't work for me in my relationship)

Problem-Solving and Conflict Negotiation:

Problems and conflicts are an integral part of life and relationships—whether with friends, family, loved ones, or at work.
We can acquire and improve the skills of problem-solving and conflict negotiation over time.
Avoiding problems leads to unresolved anger, victimization, terminated relationships, and wasted energy.
Instead of running from problems, we can learn to work through them.

Negotiating Conflicts:

Some problems cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways due to boundary issues.
However, many problems with people can be resolved through negotiation.
To negotiate effectively:
Identify the problem.
Release blame and shame.
Focus on creative solutions.
Understand our own bottom line and boundary issues.
Be open to different possibilities for resolution.
Balance flexibility without being too submissive or demanding.

Remember, committed and intimate relationships involve learning to work together through problems and conflicts in ways that benefit both parties. Today, let’s be open to negotiating conflicts with others and strive for balanced problem-solving efforts.