I'm so tired.. I can't see..

The solar eclipse will happen, and then all of my pain will be over..

It's very hard to continue.

I know I will withdraw from stimulants one day. All they do is help me focus. They wear off after I go to sleep. But I'm awake now, after they've worn off.

I'm not as smart as I was. I have many flaws - No.. Shut up @me! Stop that.. Stop that right now..

Ok.. And.. I spend too much time perceiving broken pieces of mind. I'm doing well, considering all that has happened.

But maybe I want to force everyone to watch the world burn with me - So they can see.. that my hopelessness isn't a delusion. But that's pure evil.. I just want people to be happy, and free.. I'm free.. I can be happy if I want to..

Sometimes I want to be in the 12th stage of consciousness, I think I was.. I have to stop self medicating, so I can use psilocybin again (That's rational to me.. Who knows what is truly 100% rational, that's like explaining what reality is.. I have no problem with anyone)..

I just don't want people to not have sentience. Truth is.. (I'll post later...too tired..) What matters creative theoretical religious things i say.. Stop that.. Stop that right now, again..

My head must hit the floor and crack open, like an egg.. That's the only way I can change the past..