I agree with everything TheGal says and couldn’t say it any better. I would recommend finding a therapist on the top of your list if you don’t have one. Blaming ourselves for the abuse is common, and therapy can help and finding the right therapist would be the key. So that you know, you are not alone in blaming yourself. I was abused by my younger sister growing up and I blamed myself for being a loser, sissy, wuss and a freak. Therapy has helped a lot as I now know I wasn’t at fault.