Try this: Do NOT think about oranges for 10 seconds.

Could you do it? Not really... Trying not to think about something is an ironic process... The more we try not to think about something the more we find ourselves thinking about it.

It struck me as something of a revelation that just because a thought occurs in my mind that doesn't mean I believe it or endorse it. I thought... That if a thought occurred to me then that meant that I did believe or endorse it. Now I think that thoughts just do occur to one. We pick them up from all kinds of places. What people have said to us in the past, what we hear on TV, what we hear other people say to each other etc etc etc.

I quite often find thoughts occurring to me like 'I hate myself', 'I wish I was dead', 'I never asked to be born' etc etc etc. Habit mostly, I think. I used to feel a real sense of endorsement for those thoughts when they occurred to me, too.

Now I've learned to try and think kindly of myself when those thoughts occur to me. Kind of like... If I heard a person say 'I hate you' or 'I wish you were dead' to a little kid then I'd want to comfort that kid. I kind of... Give myself an inner hug. And try and step back from the thought and think 'yeah, that occurred to me, but that doesn't mean I believe it and it doesn't mean it is true'. I find that those thoughts occur to me when I'm feeling fragile. I think it has become my bodies way of telling me that I need to take some special care of myself. I try and divert my attention onto something nice and pleasant (rather than trying to counter the thoughts which only seems to antagonize them and make them stronger). So... I'll get a sense of enjoyment in looking at a tree and thinking the structure of the branches and leaves is wonderful. Or I'll take a nice bath and try and enjoy the warm and comforting sensations. Something like that. Take a couple deep breaths and feel a bit more centered and self contained.

I'm also becoming aware that those thoughts are likely to occur to me if I'm feeling frustrated with myself. If I think I handled something badly or something like that. I try and say (and endorse) things like 'yeah, I probably didn't handle that in the best possible way. - Fond, sympathetic grin to myself - But I did the best I could at the time. It was nice that I tried... I am a good person really :-) Maybe next time that kind of situation arises I could do x or y or z instead... I think the key is to do things like this very very gently.

It does get better with time. Slowly... Gradually... Gently. I think our body is trying to tell us something when those thoughts occur to us. How would you comfort a kid if someone told them some negative stuff? Can you comfort yourself in a similar way?