Thanks, I didn't know about EFT tapping, I'll look into and watch videos. My last T gave me some EMDR but not that much for some reason. She wanted to focus on other things. I left my 2nd T out of frustration of not seeing progress. And I sensed that I was some kind of charity for her so I asked and she said I'm part of her charity. Psychologists don't like doing all of the paper work required to get paid for each session from medical according to my 1st T. So she just does so many therapy sessions per week for free and it made me feel bad using up her time so I started taking a week or 2 from therapy and told her it didn't seem like any progress so she said it's best I look for another T.

There's no hope for me it seems except maybe post here, meditate, and just wait for the next bad luck so I have an excuse to go to the forest and I guess inner world people will take over I'll go to black void hell and cycle starts over but they are not magic so eventually we'll run out of money, my car will breakdown or something and there will be no option but to go to the forest. That will be plan b or me but they have plan c lol. Plan B is to not eat. Plan C is to eat and try to survive in the forest but I'm not gonna to kill an animal even if it means starving to death!! And I can't see anyone in inner world killing an animal either. So even though my happiest dream ever will come true eventually I'm s till scared there might be an afterlife and will be tortured forever which scares me to death so I'm just really trapped in hell no matter what.