It sounds like you are very vulnerable right now when getting critical feedback. Yes, given that you were manipulated to feel shame for your wife’s unhappiness and voids it can lead you to experience shame with any criticism not ment to be personal but constructive.

The job market has been changing a lot due to higher operating expenses and strains on profits. It’s caused cutbacks and fewer employees expected to do more than normal. It’s important to keep this in mind so you don’t absorb challenges that are not your fault.