I was typing the following in the DID check-in thread but it started getting too much so I copied it here to my TW thread.

Last night while trying to sleep I could feel a part inside of us as clear as day who was making us feel very uncomfortable. Not in an evil/bad way but not in a good way either. It kinda felt like a guilty feeling but yet it wasn't. And then I started (*see note below) thinking, what if that uncomprehendable amount of torture and trauma as baby and young child resulted in creating a really evil part. Would that be "us" or is it a separate person. I don't want to be evil! What if the pain made it so strong that we can't hold it back, and it hurts the world. Should we end this body to prevent evil from harming the world? Sometimes I've thought about that. Maybe it's my duty to stop it. But I don't even know what it is, or if it even exists...

*note: while typing the word started I accidentally typed satart and it scared me so bad because at first I thought it was satan. Why would I type satart? In a weird way the r and the t together kind of form an n. I hope all of this isn't psychosis and only caution.

I know recently there's a part of the front, the host, after being in the black void for so long is so full of pain and anger that it said it hates humanity with some kind of scary gut wrenching rage. I don't know what to do.