I was in the midst of writing a post of "picking up the pieces" in my life and hit some key and lost it.

I am hurting like h*ll, living with a cousin, applying for jobs where it's tough to get past the door if you haven't emailed or faxed a resume. Sometimes, I can get past the door only to be told I have to first email my resume.

I am diagnosed as depressed/PTSD. Lots of that I thought was in the past and to be sure, I am handling things differently and without a lot of fears I used to have. But I'm running out of energy.

I don't have a home. I need a home. I want a home. I want a job. I need a job. I want money. I need money. This is such a tough time for me. I have no insurance. In my haste to avoid the streets and having a place to stay in Illinois, I left CA and forgot I had stored my meds (samples from my doc) in a suit case when I thought I was going into a shelter.

Thanks for listening. I want to give up, but I know if I can hang in here, something's coming around the bend. I'm just tired and hurting about the status of my life right now.