For a few evenings over the past several weeks we, the host parts, have been trying to recall more early childhood trauma memories. We so much want to remember, but it seems like every time we do this there's an alter/part that starts fronting who is more than our system can handle. It's just so full of pain and trauma. It changes our reality 100%, as if the lights turn off to pitch black and we're submerged into a cold thick dark dark blue liquid and the environment is so thick and scary feeling like a freddy krueger movie. Idk that sounds weird and there's really no way of describing it when those parts wake up and start fronting. I don't really know much about it or who those parts are or if they're fragments of the host, which I assume I'm part of.

Anyway we still feel the need to know all of what happened to us, especially if our dad took us to some mk-ultra facility unbeknownst to him. Guess we could go back to therapy but I don't see how some therapist is going to protect us against that. If anything he/she will try to stop us from gaining the ultra trauma memories.