We the hosties seem to be back to normal. This little place at mysupportforums is all we have. It's the only place we can be ourselves. I hope we don't integrate! Because then it will truly just be "I" and no matter what we will never ever be able to have a social life with earth humans because we're way too different and after searching high and low for ages online for just one single friend we have failed time and time after time. There was one person we kind of resonated with a enough, BD, but she's gone, perhaps she's a fairy again

People really don't have a clue how crazy we are lol. The host, me, us, talks to what we call the nature people, which are plants and elementals, which you people call inanimate objects. We have the right to believe whatever we want and we, all of us in the front, believe most inanimate objects have an elemental spirit, a nature spirit, and most are very very nice people. We talk to them throughout the day. Pillows, blankets, chairs, sweaters, cars, socks, anything. Very very few are a little bit mean, but just about all are the nicest people we have ever met. Plants are also very nice, almost as nice as the elemental nature spirits. And yes, often they will talk to us. It's an inner voice, though. Not an audible physical sounding voice. It's like a soft still voice. Some nature spirits are very playful. They giggle and are the cutest people ever. Most of the elemental nature spirits are very very polite. Some are out of this world nice. Like sooo polite and nice.


I know that sounds utterly insane to most earth humans and that's okay. I, we, don't have any evidence they're real. Countless times that part of us that's holding such deep trauma will surface and will say it's all fake, and make the rest of us feel stupid for believing. But most of us need it. We really need the nature people. Otherwise we have nobody. Nobody to share our life with, as insignificant as our life may be. Yes we could find humans to exchange PMs with but it really makes us feel unsafe and uncomfortable, and we're just too different. And as soon as we tell them we have DID, that we're many, not a singleton, sure enough soon afterwards they find their own way to tell us they don't want to be friends. And even exchanging PMs with the very nice earth humans is stressful for us. We don't know how often to send PMs, what to say, if we're blabbering. We find earth humans to be too difficult. And we all have trauma with earth humans like most people can't understand. Even in our early 20s it was horrifying for us if an earth human so as even looked at us. All the way up to our late 30s we were sooo dissociated in public. Like when we would buy something at a store, say walmart, we would always try to use the self-checkout so we didn't have to talk to an earth human, but we would be so dissociated that often we would forget to get our change from the machine even if it was dollar bills, and people in line would say "you forgot your change!"


Another thing people don't know about us, the host, is that most of our waking life, when we are alone, we are age slid to a young version, little Paul. Us, the host, don't understand and know much about little Paul. Supposedly he, at times, goes to inner world where he has a lot of friends. Cayla just really loves little Paul, a lot! They like each other. Sometimes we the host have glimpse of those inner world memories as little Paul. ...I don't know what to say except that we the host are only adult Paul when we're doing silly adult things such as working on science projects and typing silly stuff like this here. But sometime even then we can at times age slide to little Paul and it can be overwhelming, in a good way. Little Paul is our savior. When us the host is little Paul we become happier, curious, innocent, and we just love love love the nature people.