I don’t think we are supposed to discuss that topic but if we do might be good idea to change the spelling of the word. But I won’t tell if you won’t tell.
It’s always a good idea, no shame in it at all to contact the crisis line(text or phone), that seems to be where people go, or even the ER of the local hospital/ they are supposed to have a trained psych doctor on staff.
It sucks to feel that way and they will let you know that you are not alone. No one is immune, I read in a book 15 years ago that 90% of the population of the whole world can feel that way at least once. As for me I am about to seek a new therapist, for grief trauma…