Ready4help,

Sorry for your suffering. You've been through so much.

I'm not sure how old you are or whether you are currently in therapy... but talk therapy, as well as techniques from Gestalt, or helping you deal with the trauma through techniques such as EFT-tapping or EMDR would be helpful to you, I think.

I worked at a daycare with small children and I could see how much the children were affected by their parents and their living circumstances.

I'm so sorry for your suffering. Clearly, you've lived through trauma and abuse. You lost your innocence in childhood, through no fault of your own.

What types of support do you have in your life? Do you have a family doctor and a pdoc (psychiatrist)? Are you taking medication?

You need a really good team around you, including a good psychologist: someone who can help you process your thoughts and feelings and help you to see yourself in context, to help you work through the trauma.

Thank you for sharing your story, it will no doubt help others in knowing they're not alone.

Finally, welcome to the forum. I hope you find it helpful.