I feel sad..

I supplemented stim, worked for 4 hours - Got home, had a shower - Did all of these thing fast.. I got ready to try and do meaningful, productive things;

And I felt a wave of exhaustion, lying in bed listening to "Thousand Thoughts" - I relate well to the lyrics.. He really explains of how when my soul is in agony, solitary confinement, isolation;

And silence. Screaming into the void, wanting it all to end.

Then I found a really cool video;


So it talks about "love and fear" and regenerative or degenerative spiritual syntropy and entropy etc.. Really lifted me up..

It was my sign. I was looking for a sign.. I found it.

And I remember when I felt that heart pain (Before the echocardiogram), I prayed to God "If the pain goes away, and my heart is fine - I will reach for the stars (Etc)" - And the pain then went away mostly.. I then rubbed my chest, and it turned out to be rib pain + I have a "completely normal heart".

But.. I've been taking opie and spraying nicotine, so when I lie down, my heart sort of goes irregular rhythm - So I had to sit up.. I took a diazepam, and that helped. Tomorrow, I quit supplementing stim for many days or weeks - And then fungi will be taken.