Now not only am I depressed but I've developed a negative attitude, AND I'm going through phentermine withdrawal. That's some nasty shyt. I wasn't even on it that long! And I thought I was tired BEFORE. I can tell I'm doing worse today because my actual ESA won't leave me alone. I see my pdoc again on May 15th. I'm not sure if I want to call or tough this out until then. I guess who cares really.

Meanwhile I'm starting to get a backup of submissions and still have interview questions to write, but I just can't seem to make myself do anything!

I don't even like promoting my book anymore because with my negative attitude I'm starting to get jealous of everyone who is having more success than me (which is, of course, EVERYONE), instead of just being happy for them and moving forward in my quest. I mean, for an impulsively published book with no ARC readers and no audience and no marketing plan (because I was hypo as **** when I published it) it hasn't done poorly. I just wish I wouldn't have published it while hypo is all because I didn't think things through.

But I guess I can treat it as a learning experience. A very painful learning experience that is making me bawl. 😭

Oh, I've also started boohooing about my mental illness (part of the whole negative attitude development). I NEVER boohoo about that. I'm really going downwards. My boat has a hole in it. It's sinking.

Oh, and my therapist recommended I make a list of the things that make me mad 😡. I did that this morning. It didn't make me feel better. I don't know what the point was.