I don't know anymore. When I was a kid I knew I wanted a sex change. It was one of the few things I was sure of. Then puberty hit & I felt so betrayed. I absolutely hated that my body was changing. But there are sort of extenuating circumstances; my father just had no use for girls or emotionality. (He didn't respect women either, but he did have a use for them.) And it seemed as if there were often boys or men around that found ways to make me feel unsafe, whether it was the kid that used to be my best friend feeling me up or my uncle's drunken friend trying coax me into letting him touch me.
I did marry, had children, but it was not a good marriage. I divorced a few yrs ago. Through all that time, from puberty to now, I've always known there was something not quite right with me. I felt there was some basic defect that made me less than other woman. I was too masculine somehow.
So now I'm in trx and trying to understand what it's all about, but I just don't know how. It still feels as if there is something wrong with me at a very basic level. Being male would be wonderful, but do I only feel that way because it's a male dominated society? And are my interests and personality really in keeping with a masculine outlook, or am I just afraid to discover that there is a feminine side to me. It feels as if embracing that would mean losing any respect my father has for me. Then again, I'm a grown woman, how important is my father's blessing at this age?
So I remain confused; Have others been through this? Is there hope that this will someday be able to be sorted out?