I am a liar and a fraud. I had intended to go to this meeting tonight (AA). So I got in my truck and drove there, parking halfway down the block. And then I got out of my truck and started walking towards the church, but as I approached I just saw a huge crowd standing outside the church waiting for the meeting to get started, smoking their cigarettes and drinking their coffee. There must've been dozens of people. So I freaked out and started panicking at the sight of such a huge crowd of people I didn't know. Of course, I only panicked internally; outwardly I just looked like some guy going for an evening walk. I was freaking out so much that I couldn't bring myself to go up to the crowd, so I just kept walking. I walked around the block, then got back in my truck and drove away. I hate myself for being unable to force myself to seek out the support of a group of sober people. And it's got me feeling hopeless and depressed right now. I don't know what I'm going to do. I still haven't calmed down from the sheer panic of it all.