In my case, my parents (and my brother) held the franchise on what was "right". To the extent that it was ridiculous. For example, i participated in school choir and newspapers. My parents thought my interest in these was stupid, because my brother did not participate, because if it had been "right" to do so, he would have done it! My mother didnt tell me of this "logic" until much later in my adulthood.

So i spent a lot of my adulthood trying to convince my mother that my choices were "right". It didnt feel like i was looking for her approval, i was going by logic! Unfortunately, she was always going to tell me no.

After i started going no contact with her, one spring she commented how her new condo neighbor had LOVED her big bunch of pink tulips that she brought over from her old house. Which i had planted somr years earlier. Which she had NEVER appreciated and just thought were dumb. Which i had chosen to match her Franciscan Desert Rose (pink) dishes. But now, because some virtual stranger thought they were nice, all of a sudden the mother looks at me with different eyes, as if I had actually KNOWN something. That clarified for me how deep her hateful prejudice against me really was. I only wish i had realized it sooner. But she didnt want me to "feel bad" - she wanted always to give me a chance to see the truth as she defined it.