I guess this is getting normal and just need to deal with it. Seems like I can't do anything nowadays without this overwhelming feeling of being 2000 people at once. It makes me dizzy. It's really hard to concentrate, but if I can just concentrate enough to type this last post. Maybe it's for the best. What am even saying?

I feel so worthless. When I tell people I have DID, they just kinda run away, and idc anymore. Inner people are hoping so much I'll get professional help. I have enough money to last 4 more months. After that use my credit card to get me till mid January and hope my parents might give me another $15K, but I never ask them. If they don't offer then honestly that's that, the end, the forest. If someone bad happens like my car breaks and it's more than $2K, then same thing.

And like saying long time ago here, all my childhood tooth fillings broke out, the teeth were thin and eventually broke so I have to chew with front teeth but you can't really chew with them because they're thin and made to cut, not chew. So I mostly live off of pea paste made from $1 1lb bags of split peas. And I have put hand lotion on my palms every hour otherwise they turn to stigmata like you see in some catholic priests, but every 2-3 weeks the skin dies and has to come off and it's just horrible. And I have no friends at all. No human interaction. Just my stupid umpteen million disorders! So why should I continue to hold on to this life another minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It's so hard to let go of everything, including msf. I know the inner people are probably heartbroken now, they hoped for the best, they tried. i can feel all of them now watching. idk what to do anymore. im just a failure. born to be tortured as an infant, mind shattered, hopeless worthless life. just cry myself to sleep. thank you to all who cared. take care of yourself! <3 please dont worry about me. please ... bye bye